“What happens if she said yes? Would I have been ready for everything?”
He was right to ask me those questions. Months earlier, my friend Sam spent a considerable amount of time telling this girl how much she meant to him and how being together would make them happier people. When she said no, he had no clue why.
When we have a burning desire for anything, we feel entitled that we deserve what we want. Sometimes the universe has other plans for us because we need time to mature, simmer a bit longer to gain a better understanding of why we act selfish when that desire isn’t immediately fulfilled.
Sam felt entitled. He didn’t appreciate the work it would take to prove that he's worthy of her heart. He said that she knew better because she'd didn't go on ranting after saying no, unlike him, who couldn't take no for an answer. Sam was resentful that he made himself vulnerable to someone and they weren’t accepting, instead of understanding why and remedying those fears.
It took walking away for a while. After he told me about the questions above, I told him that he wasn’t ready to be the best person for her. Another reason why women are more mature than men; she saw the future based on what she knew about him while Sam was seeing a fantasy based on what he thought they could be, not really knowing everything about her. Months of self-growth and understanding could only lead him to knowing the truth versus fantasy.
Another friend went through a similar situation with his wife. They initially fell hard for each other, but months into it, he discovered that she was battling issues over an ex. He tried his hardest to love her over it, but it didn’t work out. Instead of becoming resentful, he chose to step back and give it time. Two years later, they reconnected, both in a better place, and everything worked out perfectly.
Life is about timing, many times we rush into situations because of the immediate exhilaration without thinking long-term compatibility, leading to a mess. Elvis preached that only fools rush in; give yourself or the situation time, it’ll work out whether it’s meant to be or not.