I was standing on top of a hotel in downtown NY on Saturday night with some friends, having a great day, when all of a sudden I became real quiet.
I was looking around, surrounded by huge buildings and strangers who were having their own fun. I took a minute to myself and thought, wow this is amazing.
I reflected on where I came from, friends that I grew up with, and all of the trouble I put myself through to get to this point of being with new friends in a new place. Then I felt bad about it all.
My friend yelled for me, which knocked me out of my daze, but the guilt didn't leave me for a little while. Questions starting running through my mind; did I desert everyone back home? Is this the life I worked to get to? I was happy and felt guilty about it, telling myself to end this good time and that I must go back into serious mode, whatever that is.
There's something subconsciously that won't allow me to fully enjoy my life. I'm not alone; I speak with people who feel bad for finding happiness. They'll say that others will talk down to them for what they perceive as living the "good life", because they’re “not busy enough” or it’s selfish that they’re doing what they want.
We shouldn't have to feel guilty for living the life we want. I began to search for problems that didn’t exist, reaching back to my past to recreate scenarios that will stop me from enjoying my present life, it’s crazy, but it was what I was doing; I was sorry for living a happy life.
Later on that evening, I talked to a friend about how I was feeling and apologized for my momentarily lapse. She said there’s only one person I should be sorry to; myself for this type of harmful thinking.
We reach heights in our lives, only to look down and get scared. Instead, we should continue to climb, relishing in who we meet and the experiences we encounter along the way. Stopping to apologize for moving forward in our lives to people who don’t want to progress themselves will stop our ascent and keep us from reaching those heights.
Lastly, she proved her point by asking, “How incredible is the view from up here?”