Sitting here in my new apartment and an anxiety takes over me. There’s a silence that doesn’t end no matter how much I’m talking to myself. Within the silence is a truth that I’ve never faced; for the first time, I’m living outside my comfort zone and it’s scaring the hell out of me.
Whenever I was afraid, I could always rely on knowing certain people were nearby or I knew my surroundings, so I couldn’t get lost. Being away from all of that, means there’s no familiar place to turn or friend to lean on. I’m afraid because for the first time, I’m alone. I always dreamed of being alone, away from the world I know, and now that I got it, it’s scary.
Maybe I’m overreacting. It’s not that I’m afraid or alone for the first time, but maybe I’m afraid because it’s forcing me to acknowledge an issue that I’ve kept on the back burner; choosing who I want to become. There’s something easy by not having any real responsibilities outside of work; the ability to do what I want when I want is a selfish, but reassuring quality to have in life. Living outside the box, it’s forcing me to realize that I’m getting older and with age comes the fork in the road; do I want to continue existing without living or seek the bigger accomplishments that come with the wisdom we gain as we age?
It’s easy to scare yourself into thinking you’re inadequate. I had to cease all of those crazy thoughts by concentrating on the good things in life; what I’m thankful for, etc. With a clear mind came the realization that I’ve lived my first week in a new place and I survived! In fact, I thrived, made some new friends and was able to continue building my business, like I haven’t gone anywhere. Those strange places have become familiar, I’m no longer lost.
So much for driving myself crazy. Instead of living under an unnecessary burden, we’re much better off in enjoying what’s in front of us, not worried about where we’re heading, just let the wind take us and let the universe handle our futures.